my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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