Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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