We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
