Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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