My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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