Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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