After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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