I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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