Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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