stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
