Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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