I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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