So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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