I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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