My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
