Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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