I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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