The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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