well I can't set my house on fire every night
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
