seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
