: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
