Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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