i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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