remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
