I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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