What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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