If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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