How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The air taste purple.
Randomize
