Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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