We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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