OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My breasts were aching with rage.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
