broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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