Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
