i don't like sucking hair
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
