So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
