he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
