I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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