no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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