Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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