I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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