I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Your penis caused this!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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