If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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