just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
