My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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