the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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