Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
