and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We got so high we made milksteak
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
