My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
All the doctor said was why
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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