i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
