You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My vagina is very pro this idea
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
