i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
