Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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