dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
