The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize