You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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