There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
