Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
