Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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