You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
