I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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