I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
