i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This is the high leading the old right now
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
