I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
