So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
