I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
