Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
