Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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