So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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