We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
